BLOG: Paralyzed

Before reading this blogpost, please note: this is an archived blogpost, written in February. The reason why I post this at a later date is that some of the words still apply on some days and I find the writings quite fascinating. So, without further ado:

It baffles me that the earth keeps turning.
Actually, sometimes I have to pause for a minute. There are also times where I start walking back, walking against the trajectory of the earth. It is more like running away, honestly.

For some reason, life has to be accepted before it can be understood. Not that I understand that either, but it’s a great quote to put on a mug. I do, however, accept the existence of the quote. I wish it was always that easy; to just accept things. I feel alone in that I want to understand everything. Otherwise, my mind is not really able to accept it…
How grateful I am to God, for He teaches me to walk again. Do you know that story of the paralyzed man, who gets healed by Jesus? His friends made a hole in the roof and then lowered him before His feet. Although I really fell through the roof before His feet, it is the same story. I am still at the part where He is talking to me. Still paralyzed though. That moment will come and I am grateful that He tells me what I need to hear. Grateful to be in His presence. I’d rather stay paralyzed and just be with Him, than having to walk away after I’m healed.

It’s a love-hate relationship: mental oppression. They say it makes you stronger, all I know is to put all my trust in Him.

Yesterday I read about Josef, who gets blessed after he was in prison for two years. He told his brothers that it was not a sinful decision to sell him to the traders, but that it was God’s Will – to set up Josef for an important task. Believe. Believe. Believe. Same as with Jesus. The only difference is that Jesus knew what persecution awaited Him.

By the way, ever thought about the fact that the Hebrew name for Jesus is Josef? Read the story of Josef through Jesus-glasses, you’ll see a totally different perspective.

Decide in what direction you want to walk: in the same way the earth is turning, or just standing still. Actually, don’t do the last one. And don’t walk back. Just keep walking.

Maybe it can all be summed up with a new version of the Lord’s prayer:

My Father
Hallowed be Your Way
Your Peace will Come, Your Will be done
In my heart,
as it is in Yours.
Give me my daily trials. And forgive me my debts, I will forgive mine,
and my debtors.
Do not lead me into desperation, but deliver me from myself,
and all its evils.
To You is all the Glory,
all the Questions
and all the Love.
Forever. Amen.